tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22596028811391216722024-03-19T17:49:21.193+13:00A Minstrel's Diary, with Notes by his Fool.Aegthilhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11430169926130070583noreply@blogger.comBlogger157125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-40523677382904089082015-01-17T10:40:00.001+13:002015-01-17T10:41:10.287+13:00Aegthil's Guide to Winterstock<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
My <a href="http://lotrominstrel.blogspot.co.nz/2012/06/aegthils-guide-to-weatherstock.html" target="_blank">Guide to Weatherstock</a> was a smash hit (it still is, of course) so I have given in to popular demand and written a companion guide to Winterstock.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: blue;">What is Winterstock?</span></b><br />
<br />
Winterstock is an enormous trade fair dedicated to dwarven and orcish erotica, usually called dworcish erotica. Sellers and buyers of dwarcish erotic literature and media, sex toys, and XXX dworcish lingerie congregate here every year in their thousands. It is the largest trade fair of any kind in Middle Earth, and widely regarded to be one of the most unusual and unique spectacles to be seen anywhere.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: blue;">How did Winterstock start?</span></b><br />
<div>
<b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div>
The history of Winterstock began 5 years ago when the bobbit Byrcha was arrested by the Bree Town Guard for the illegal sale of dworcish erotica outside the Prancing Pony. Although, due to a minor legal technicality, she was never formally charged with obscenity, she decided that a safer place was needed, where people of her persuasions could safely meet to share ideas, pictures, and cleaning fluids. Thus was born the idea of a specialised trade fair, held every year at Thorin's Gate, where the laws against obscenity are understandably less strict. (Otherwise, of course, all dwarves would be behind bars.)</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<br />
<b><span style="color: blue;">How do I register?</span></b><br />
<br />
To register, a small non-refundable registration fee is payable to Byrcha, of the Lonely Mountain Band. The registration fee must be accompanied by a medical certificate of cleanliness and good health.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: blue;">What is dworcish erotica?</span></b><br />
<br />
Huh? What kind of question is that? It's obvious. What? It's not? You've never googled "Orc Porn"? I don't believe you. OK, fine. Have a look <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdtxTWzBN2s#t=3m34s" target="_blank">here</a>, and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9iwohzaFpc#t=4m15s" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: blue;">Can I get a free sample?</span></b><br />
<br />
Yep. Talk to any member of BBB, but most likely Eilye or Wrenthil. They can help you out.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: blue;">Where is Winterstock?</span></b><br />
<br />
Moron. It's at Thorin's Gate, like I said above. You need to listen to what people are telling you.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: blue;"><br /></span></b>
<b><span style="color: blue;">Who organises Winterstock?</span></b><br />
<br />
Technically the Lonely Mountain Band does, although all organisational aspects have to be kept in the strictest secrecy for legal reasons. Although dworcish erotica is not technically illegal in Thorin's Gate, there are detailed bilateral agreements between Thorin's Gate and Bree for the extradition of wanted persons and the prevention of immoral activities. In the past a number of LMB organisers have been extradited on this basis, and have been subsequently indicted and imprisoned; the LMB tries hard to avoid any repetition of such unfortunate occurrences.<br />
<br />
If you are personally interested in helping with the administration of this Trade Fair, send a blood sample to Beorbrand, LMB Officer, LMB kinhouse, Ellinbarbarbarant. Include 5 gold for postage and handling.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: blue;">Is there music at Winterstock?</span></b><br />
<br />
No. Not what you'd actually call "music" as such. The trade organisers do hire so-called "bands" to provide entertainment, but often this isn't actually musical at all, tending far more towards obscene burlesque than to high culture. BBB. Say no more. Every so often some group of unfortunates tries to instil a higher moral tone, but this never works. <br />
<br />
As a general rule, the punters at Winterstock are far more interested in watching wet T-shirt orc chick wrestling than they are in listening to foofy elvish songs about trees and birds. Go figure.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: blue;">How can I buy illegal substances at Winterstock?</span></b><br />
<br />
Talk to any member of BBB or the Lonely Mountain Band. Illegal substances are highly recommended and widely used at Winterstock. It's the best way to cushion your psyche against the intolerable strain of being surrounded by dorf lingerie. I mean, some of those images will haunt you for years after.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: blue;">What is the origin of the name "Winterstock"?</span></b><br />
<br />
The word "Winterstock" is a western alliteration of the title of one of the earliest dwarvish obscene drinking songs. The actual title is "Wigkh kum akt tu schtuk". A direct translation of this would be, approximately "Hairy up and hairy down".<br />
<br />
<br />
<b><span style="color: blue;">Is it true that Aegthilmina wears dorf-style crotchless panties underneath her pink dress?</span></b><br />
<br />
I couldn't possibly say.<br />
<br /></div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-48268426273720465402015-01-17T08:25:00.000+13:002015-01-17T08:31:57.431+13:00Lotro and ringtones, by the Fool<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I often annoy myself. I do something and come away thinking what a bloody idiot I am.<br />
<br />
Yesterday, I read on the LMB forums about making ringtones. It had never occurred to me to do this, so I thought, oooooo how cool, I'll do that.<br />
<br />
So I grabbed the abc file of the LMB anthem, decided it needed to be sped up a touch, and then decided I wanted to correct the tuning of the instruments before doing anything as important as a ringtone. So I split it into separate files, one for each instrument, saved each as a wav and then put each track into Logic Pro.<br />
<br />
I then prodded and tweaked the reverb, EQ, pitch correction, balance, volume, etc, etc. For, oh I don't know, maybe an hour or so. Sounded great. Oh yeah. Horn lead here, pipe twiddles there, nice tempo, good stereo balance. All those nice things.<br />
<br />
Then I save it as a ringtone and put it on my iPhone. Whereupon I realised what I should have realised right at the very beginning. The iPhone speaker is the size of a bloody ant and gives the shittiest sound you can possibly imagine.<br />
<br />
I had just wasted two hours of my life because I was too stupid to think ahead.</div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-90399950039161976332015-01-09T18:10:00.000+13:002015-01-09T18:11:42.713+13:00Winterstock, by the Fool<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I've been meaning for quite a long time now to write a theme song for <a href="http://lotroplayers.com/2015/01/06/winterstock-ii-peace-love-and-snowballs/" target="_blank">Winterstock</a>, but I never got around to it. Until now, that is. I did a tune for Weatherstock some time ago, so it was time I completed the pair.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.burningviolin.org/aegthil/mp3/winterstock.mp3" target="_blank">Here's the mp3</a> and <a href="http://www.burningviolin.org/aegthil/abc/(Aeg)winterstock.abc" target="_blank">here's the abc file</a>. I can't admit to being particularly happy with it, although Cennwyn wrote some lovely lyrics, which are at the bottom of the abc file. It takes a lot of thought and effort to try and avoid my stuff all sounding a bit sameish, and this one suffers from that, I think. As well as too much cut and paste. The opening of the tune is weak, and the rhythm is kind of a bit boring. However, it really is designed to be sung with lyrics, not just listened to, so that will cover a multitude of sins.<br />
<br />
Lilikate is working on a classical kind of version of the song, and I'm curious to see how that goes. Aegthil meets Vivaldi. Actually, that sounds kind of intriguing. Maybe I'll have a crack at writing a Baroque version. Not a bad idea at all, that ... certainly worth a thought or two. Mind you, anything like that really requires the use of a proper music composition program. With Vivaldi, Bach, etc, there is a huge reliance on pattern, not just in chords, but also in rhythm. And the best way to see those patterns laid out is in proper musical notation. You just can't see them in the abc file. I rather enjoy laying out multiple lines in a weaving counterpoint and getting them all to fit together. I'm rambling.<br />
<br />
There's a crap load of bands playing at Winterstock this year. It's always a surprise to me to see just how <i>busy</i> the Lotro music scene is. I mean, how the hell do you get, what, 32 bands to do a four-day concert? It's extraordinary. </div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-41201556169057378922014-12-27T06:43:00.001+13:002014-12-27T06:43:16.393+13:00Flies<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I want to get some pet flies. I want to give them to Beorbrand as a present. He already has flies, I know (mostly because of his natural and organic smell but also because of his innovative hygienic practices) but I think he needs more. I don't, of course, no, not me. It's all for the Beard.<br />
<br />
But I now find that I have a long and long and long road ahead of me to get the damn things. I mean, killing trolls is not intrinsically a bad thing to do, I admit that - although I've known some nice ones in my time - but why oh why must I kill so MANY of them. It's all a bit ridiculous. I've got better things to do. People to meet, parties to attend, ladies to slay with my good looks. Really, I have an extensive fan base that simply cannot be neglected.<br />
<br />
The gods, I imagine, want my Fool to give them more money, but my Fool resists, thinking that he already gives the Gods plenty of burnt offerings and suchlike things. He can be a bit of a contrary bastard, my Fool.<br />
<br />
Of course, it's lovely to be back in Gondor again, although there are a few minor difficulties. But I didn't imagine that the precious hours of my triumphant homecoming would be spent doing repetitive and mindless daily tasks.<br />
<br />
Ah well. We shall see whether I ever get these flies. But right now it's not looking good.</div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-30109241763248980012014-12-26T20:37:00.000+13:002014-12-26T20:55:54.147+13:00The Eely lady, by the Fool<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have to admit that I'm a total narcissist. I love it when people write songs about Aegthil. They are always hilarious, and I sit at my computer going chuckle, chuckle, chuckle, and my kids ask me What's funny, Dad? and I tell them, and they say Oh your stupid Lotro band, how lame is THAT? Jeez, Dad, get a life, you are such a loser and if you didn't play so many computer games you wouldn't be so fat and ugly... etc. So I whack them and they shut up. No, I'm joking, I don't whack them, that would be against the law in New Zealand, but I think about it.<br />
<br />
Anyway, Eely lady, AKA Eilye, wrote a wonderful song about Aegthil. Well, I mean, she filked a song. Based on the tune of There is a House in New Orleans, she redid the lyrics. I heard it for the first time last BBB concert and I laughed so much I could hardly type.<br />
<br />
I was so touched that I wrote a song for Eilye in return. It's called Eely Lady, and you can find the <a href="http://www.burningviolin.org/aegthil/mp3/Eilye.mp3" target="_blank">mp3 here</a>, the <a href="http://www.burningviolin.org/aegthil/abc/(Aeg)Eilye.abc" target="_blank">abc here</a>.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Verse 1</b><br />
Eely lady swims the waters<br />
Through the darkness of the night<br />
Looking out for prey unwary<br />
So to feed her appetite<br />
<br />
Eely lady's old and wily<br />
Long of tooth and sharp of claw<br />
But those wrinkles are well hidden<br />
'Neath the smoothest skin you saw<br />
<br />
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%<br />
<b>Chorus</b><br />
Eely lady is the greatest<br />
She's a sexy CEC<br />
She's got implants worth the money<br />
Most expensive surgery<br />
<br />
Eely lady play your heart out<br />
Get that crowd upon its feet<br />
Those cosmetics must be paid for<br />
'Cause it ain't cheap to look so sweet<br />
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%<br />
<br />
<b>Verse 2</b><br />
Eely lady ain't so fussy<br />
Hobbit, Dwarf or Elven Lad<br />
Anything that's young and tasty<br />
Is a tidbit to be had<br />
<br />
Entice them in with surface sweetness<br />
Little do the poor lads know<br />
That sharpened teeth, an evil mind,<br />
And many many long years lurk below<br />
<br />
*Chorus*<br />
<br />
<b>Verse 3</b><br />
Gentlemen, please listen carefully<br />
Best to learn this lesson well<br />
If you see the Eely lady<br />
Turn around and run like hell<br />
<br />
*Chorus x2*</div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-62514537967552507202014-12-23T07:23:00.000+13:002014-12-23T08:16:00.473+13:00Midi versus ABC. A challenge. By the Fool.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I had an interesting conversation with Lifimun (I think that is the name), a member of <a href="http://w11.zetaboards.com/LesBeauxChapeaux/index/" target="_blank">Les Beaux Chapeaux</a>. It was during today's LBC concert, which was crap timing, but hey, all I did was disconnect him.<br />
<br />
Anyway, the conversation was about methods of making ABC files. I liked one of their arrangements so I sent him a tell asking about it, and he was kind enough to respond. Basically, it was similar to many discussions I've had with Beorbrand over the years.<br />
<br />
When making ABC files, is it better to work from midi or to do it by hand?<br />
<br />
According to Lifimun, were he ever to compose for Lotro he would compose in midi first and then translate to ABC. Of course, it's much easier to compose in midi than in ABC. To compose in raw ABC you sit in front of a blank sheet of paper, trying to put the notes together in your head, and then converting them to ABC on the fly. Takes a lot of trial and error. Midi is much nicer. You can compose in real music notation, or use that nifty <a href="https://www.apple.com/nz/logic-pro/" target="_blank">Logic Pro</a> colour bar method, choose cool instruments, and hey presto, it's done in a flash. Much, much quicker, much easier.<br />
<br />
Except, does it work so well after you've converted it? Well, listen for yourselves. <br />
<br />
Here's a set of sample versions of the Beorn jiggareel that I wrote for a recent <a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/BardsBeersLongbeards" target="_blank">BBB video</a>. The arrangements are not identical, but the gist should be clear.<br />
<br />
1. <a href="http://www.burningviolin.org/aegthil/mp3/beorn_from_logic.mp3" target="_blank">Sample 1.</a> Composed in Logic Pro and bounced straight to mp3. <a href="http://www.burningviolin.org/aegthil/midi/Beorn_from_logic.mid" target="_blank">Here's the midi.</a><br />
2. <a href="http://www.burningviolin.org/aegthil/wav/Beorn_from_Maestro.wav" target="_blank">Sample 2</a>. Composed in Logic Pro, bounced to midi, imported into <a href="https://code.google.com/p/lotromidiplayer/" target="_blank">Maestro</a>, converted to ABC, converted to mp3. (I spent very little time in Maestro, so there are many things not good about this conversion, most of which are not relevant here.) <a href="http://www.burningviolin.org/aegthil/abc/Beorn_from_maestro.abc" target="_blank">Here's the ABC.</a><br />
3. <a href="http://www.burningviolin.org/aegthil/mp3/Beorn_handcoded.mp3" target="_blank">Sample 3</a>. Done by hand directly in ABC, with no midi conversion, and no use of Logic Pro. <a href="http://www.burningviolin.org/aegthil/abc/(Aeg)Honey.abc" target="_blank">Here's the ABC</a>.<br />
<br />
The jiggareel has a bit of a tricky rhythm, so it's a difficult test for Maestro. The second part of the tune is a 4 across 6 pattern, as the tune is playing a reel while the rhythmic backing is playing a jig. So the Midi to Maestro to ABC (Sample 2) gets the rhythm right for the first half, but the second half is very lumpy and uneven. The converter is struggling to get the rhythms matched. The timing in the direct ABC coding (Sample 3) is much better because I could code it in exactly by hand (although the attack of the flute doesn't match that of the bagpipe, so that sounds pretty bad in spots).<br />
<br />
Of course, the bounce from Logic Pro is by far the best, but you'd expect that. If that wasn't the case you'd have to wonder why the hell you got Logic Pro at all.<br />
<br />
Conclusion? Make up your own minds I guess. Personally, I think the hand-coded ABC sounds better, but I pay a price in time. Your mileage may vary, as always.<br />
<br />
Would it be easier to use a midi/ABC converter, and then work on the ABC by hand? Possibly. But that sounds like an awfully fiddly job, especially given the format of the ABC that Maestro puts out. Very difficult to work with directly.<br />
<br />
But maybe somebody can prove me wrong, and demonstrate that Maestro (in the hands of an expert, not a novice like me) can give a sound as good as the hand-coded ABC. I would love this. It would save me a whole lot of time.<br />
<br />
Consider it a challenge.<br />
<br /></div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-11295588032479507752014-12-08T07:46:00.002+13:002014-12-08T07:46:30.481+13:00Screaming fans<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
After my triumphant return to Bree I am now having to cope once more with screaming fans, thrown flowers, excessive attention, all those usual trappings of being a super duper rock star. The latest was a lady called ... er... Morgael I think, who clearly thought I was just the handsomest thing she'd ever seen.<br />
<br />
Not that she actually <i>said </i>that, mind you, but I'm adept at reading between the lines to see what a person really means, just what they are too shy to say outright. It's OK, Morgael, you're not the only one to feel like this about me, and you won't be the last.<br />
<br />
For some reason she seemed to want to speak to Beorbrand, or at least so she claimed. Of course I know that this was just a front, as she secretly only wanted to talk to me, but still, Beorbrand is an odd choice. Even Byrcha would be better. Well, OK, maybe not Byrcha, but possibly ... um ... well actually, pretty much everyone in BBB is a dead loss. Ah well, might as well be Beorbrand then.<br />
<br />
I think she wanted to hire me as a female/male stripper, and thought Beorbrand was my agent. That would explain a lot.</div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-13886224837790460062014-12-01T12:00:00.000+13:002014-12-01T12:00:12.522+13:00Le sigh, as the cool people say. By the Fool<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I admit to being saddened by the recent kerfuffle over the Lotro music system, and saddened even more by the fact that the improvements have been now taken away again.<br />
<br />
I suppose it's naive to expect a reasonable and mature debate in any online forum, but the shitstorm that blew up over the music changes far exceeded even my pessimistic expectations. I suppose that a lot of people felt very strongly on both sides, but that's no excuse for bad behaviour. The whole episode merely left the music community looking fractured and immature, spoiled and selfish. To the extent that, if I were a Lotro developer, I wouldn't go near it again with a 10-foot pole.<br />
<br />
Which means that I predict that none of the nice things we got will ever reappear. I hope I'm wrong.<br />
<br />
To be fair, the people who opposed the change had some reasonable points, in that the changes were not perfect and many abcs would have to be adapted to fit. However, one can adapt an abc file to a different balance, but one can't adapt an abc file to a badly tuned clarinet. So the new system had far greater long-term potential, combined with short-term difficulties.<br />
<br />
Still, the wrangling provided for a number of amusing moments. My favourite was the poster who claimed that the clarinet (old style) wasn't out of tune, despite that phrase being often used. Real musicians (continued the poster) know this. It's just out of balance (apparently) not out of tune. Comments like this are absolutely priceless, combining, in one neat little package, ignorance, pomposity, self-righteousness, and a total lack of self-awareness. You have to laugh. Well, I did. What I didn't do, of course, was reply.<br />
<br />
Anyway, we'll be back soon to the old nasty instruments. Obviously they work OK, and you can do stuff with them. But it would have been so much nicer to have some decent sounds. Ah well. Nothing to be done about it now.<br />
<br />
I haven't appeared with BBB for a while now, due to travel and other RL things. I miss the silly buggers. But neither have I composed anything for Lotro for a while, and that needs to change. I need to pull my finger out and get writing for Lotro again.</div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-29527478572573683532014-11-19T03:21:00.001+13:002014-11-19T03:21:46.794+13:00AegthilminaIt has been a long enforced absence for me, due to medical reasons. For many years now I've felt like a sheep trapped within the body of an idiot .... no, wait.... there's something not right about that. Never mind. Anyway, I took some extensive counselling with other members of the LMB and with BBB peoples, to make sure that I knew what I really wanted, how I really felt. We had lots of deep and meaningful conversations.<br />
<br />
Well, not with BBB people of course. They've never said anything deep or meaningful in their entire lives of course. You know that, I know that. But the LMB leadership was very helpful, and already had a thorough personal understanding of the issues. Harper, for example, is a real expert on cosmetic surgery (not that it worked very well, but that's a very different question) while Byrcha is herself an orc trapped in a hobbit's body, struggling to get out, crying for help at the top of her voice, screaming, screaming, with nobody to hear. Poor Byrcha.<br />
<br />
I didn't talk to Beorbrand, for obvious reasons.<br />
<br />
The upshot of it all is that I decided to have the procedure, and convert myself, body and soul, to my trapped inner persona. Well, I mean, I didn't convert my body, not as such, as that would be rather painful and somewhat irreversible, and I might change my mind at some stage. But I took all the counselling, did every therapy session, ingested a variety of herbs, and came out of the Rivendell Clinic a brand new lady. It has taken a while. But then good things always do. It was worth the wait.<br />
<br />
Behold, ye peons, behold AEGTHILMINA.<br />
<br />
Bow down and stand in awe. Admire the dresses.Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-16581198887184429592013-07-17T00:14:00.001+12:002013-07-17T00:19:25.913+12:00Lotroplayers, by the Fool<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I've been really impressed by a new set of blogs... comments... articles... whatever, that has appeared on mymiddleearth.com. It's called <a href="http://lotroplayers.mymiddleearth.com/" target="_blank">Lotroplayers</a>. They have a great selection of writers on a range of topics, ranging from music to raiding. Not that I would ever read a raiding article or I would lose my idiot licence. But still, if you're into that, there they are.<br />
<br />
But they have three (yes, read it again, THREE) writers on music matters, which is pretty damn impressive if you ask me (or even if you don't), and those writers are the best in the LOTRO music business. Now they need to get Phedelene writing for them as well, to complete the set. And Beorbrand (Aegthil will kill me for saying that). And that dorf guy from ... The Breakfast Club. The Chosen Few? I think it's him I mean. And Macalaure, who plays for .... er... some band. Maybe Andunie, with a funny twiddle on the e. And that Songburrow Stroller bobbit person... er... Lina?<br />
<br />
I can never remember anybody's name. Geriatric problems. I also have trouble with bladder control.<br />
<br />
Anyway, given that LOTRO music is pretty much the beginning and end of my LOTRO interest, this is pretty cool. Well, fine, I exaggerate. I also like making dicky videos, offending serious people, behaving badly, and even killing a monster or two, but really, it's all about the music.<br />
<br />
I've thought for some time that LOTRO stood in dire need of a collection like this. So kudos to whoever organised it, as wot I have no idea who it was. In general, I reckon that Lotro doesn't have many good bloggers. Some, sure, just not that many, and not all the good ones post regularly. The WoW world is inundated with bloggers, most of whom are crappy of course, but the volume is so high that you get enough decent ones to read. Not so in LOTRO. *sigh*.<br />
<br />
In other news, I have learned a whole lot of stuff I didn't need to. Such is the danger of opening a Twitter account. I tell you, I'm way too old, and way too grumpy to be a Twitterer. Or a Twit. Whatever.</div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-82885389673443681772013-07-09T16:54:00.000+12:002013-07-09T16:54:31.954+12:00Freedom beckons<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I have nothing against Madame Celestine's Educational Establishment for Young Ladies. Nothing at all. It's a lovely place. Great people, lots of stuff to do. One is never bored. A highly stimulating environment.<br />
<br />
But, with all this, a change is as good as a wash, and my current unvaried diet palls eventually.<br />
<br />
There are upsides, of course. I have the perfect excuse for missing Weatherstock, always a good thing to have. And to miss. A whole day of pseudo rock stars, and not one is wearing rose! Pathetic, really. BBB is again banned from attendance, due to Weatherstock local ordinances. People can be so petty and unforgiving.<br />
<br />
But my time in durance vile comes to an end. Real Soon Now. Only another month or so. My Fool is already making plans for the next BBB extravaganza. He needs real singers, real players. A Capella singing. Maybe. If it works. Lots of vocal harmonies. Dancing galore. Orcs up the wazoo.<br />
<br />
It's A Casual Stroll to Mordor Rave Dance Party Exercise Video. So get off your fat lazy chuff and volunteer to help him.</div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-27165718825343837832013-03-11T13:53:00.001+13:002013-03-11T13:53:54.987+13:00A Dummies Guide to making LOTRO videos<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Somebody asked me to write this, so I did. You may or may not find it useful. I actually have no idea whether everybody already knows all this, and does it better anyway, or whether I should be awarded a Nobel prize for genius and creativity.<br />
<br />
Well, actually, I do really.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.burningviolin.org/aegthil/DummiesGuide.pdf" target="_blank">A Dummies Guide to making LOTRO videos.</a></div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-69099804505025182112013-02-06T12:01:00.001+13:002013-02-06T12:01:40.210+13:00A Fool's partial farewell<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It's going to be a busy year for me. I'll be out of New Zealand for around 6 months or so (I'm out right now, as it happens, in that lovely state of Texas, where everything is bigger, apparently), and busy when I'm home. New writing projects for one thing, and other stuff.<br />
<br />
When I'm traveling I can't play Lotro, and when I'm busy I don't have time to think about writing Lotro music, or making videos. I doubt I'll write many blog entries over the next year, if any. And I don't see myself writing more music, or doing more videos, for quite a while.<br />
<br />
If I'm being entirely honest, Lotro has also become increasingly difficult and annoying to play. My Windows client is unplayable because it crashes all the time, and my Mac client doesn't play music properly. At my advanced age I just don't need the irritation. I can read a book instead (I have special glasses, designed for old people).<br />
<br />
So, a partial farewell. Aegthil will still be around every so often, but not reliably. He'll enjoy the rest, I think. I'll continue to join BBB and EEE whenever I can, but there will be long periods when I'm not there.<br />
<br />
Not that I'm narcissistic enough to imagine that anybody will particularly care, and many will heave a sigh of relief, but at least it explains why that irritating bloody pink prat isn't around so much.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-42182843128720089772013-01-25T13:27:00.000+13:002013-01-25T13:27:38.861+13:00EEE, and a casual stroll to Mordor<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Last night I set foot in Bree for the first time in a week or so. Things seem to have quieted down substantially, and I wasn't assaulted by any knife-wielding harpy in a green dress. There was a bit of gunk lying around in the drains, so maybe Harperella got her liposuction done. Hope so.<br />
<br />
I had to get back for the infamous EEE, which stands for, among other things, Elyita's Edventurous Excursions. Every week at much the same time Captain E leads her Entrepid eTroops on Edventures of eDanger and eDelight. Well, to be strictly honest, not a lot of danger, as the entrepid etroops mostly tackle level 5 dungeons, or thereabouts.<br />
<br />
I wouldn't want to break a nail.<br />
<br />
The goal is, of course, to get horsies and ponies. Why would I want to do this, I hear you ask, especially when I already have a lovely sort of blackish horse that the poncy Mirkwood elves gave me? I have a really good answer to that question, which is ... the answer is ... well, it's just that ... um.... coming soon ... er ... any time now... well, never mind for now about that, but getting horsies and ponies is what EEE does. This seems to involve an awful lot of rather pointless slaughter, but hey, a man does what a man has to do. We are now on the 24th deed, with only another 472 to go.<br />
<br />
I may have to write a guide. Delightful.<br />
<br />
In other breaking news, my Fool wrote a <a href="http://www.burningviolin.org/aegthil/mp3/cstm.mp3" target="_blank">song</a> for <a href="http://casualstrolltomordor.com/" target="_blank">A Casual Stroll to Mordor</a>. I have no idea why he did. I guess he had nothing better to do. I mean, it's not like he lives beside a lovely golden-sand beach, just perfect for swimming, looking out over the gulf to the islands, where it's currently the middle of summer and very warm. If he was in a situation like that I'm guessing he wouldn't waste his precious time, pissing about writing crap music for anybody, but ... oh, wait. Never mind. Moving right along. Honestly, the things my Fool does just boggle the mind.<br />
<br />
What an idiot.<br />
<br />
Anyway, if you want to play it yourself, you can grab the music <a href="http://www.burningviolin.org/aegthil/abc/(Aeg)cstm.abc" target="_blank">here</a>. Hell, you can even sing along.<br />
<br />
<br />
<pre style="text-align: -webkit-auto; white-space: pre-wrap; word-wrap: break-word;">(Merric sings)
I'm on a Casual Stroll to Mordor, I'm gonna try on Sauron's ring
I'm gonna climb right up that Morgul tower, and at the top I'll sing
I'll check out all the orc chicks, those whip and leather dames
I'm on a Casual Stroll to Mordor, and Merric is my name!
(Goldenstar sings)
I'm on a Casual Stroll to Mordor, it's a long way from the Shire
To see that sexy Sauron hunk is my heart's one desire
I don't think he's real happy, he's so misunderstood
If I can offer love and comfort, well, I think I should.
(Chorus)
Casual Stroll to Mordor
Ooo.. Ooo.. yeah... yeah... it's a
Casual Stroll to Mordor
Ooo.. Ooo.. yeah... yeah... it's a
Casual Stroll to Mordor
Ooo.. Ooo.. yeah... yeah... it's a
Casual Stroll to Mordor
(Horn Solo)
(Merric sings)
We're on a Casual Stroll to Mordor, it's not so very far
And time will pass so quickly when you chat with Goldenstar
Before you even know it, we'll be standing at the gate
Sauron is expecting us, I doubt we'll have to wait
(Chorus and drum break)
Casual Stroll to Mordor
(drums)
Casual Stroll to Mordor
(drums)
Casual Stroll to Mordor
(drums)
Casual Stroll to Mordor
(drums)
Casual Stroll to Mordor
Ooo.. Ooo.. yeah... yeah... it's a
Casual Stroll to Mordor
Ooo.. Ooo.. yeah... yeah... it's a
Casual Stroll to Mordor
Ooo.. Ooo.. yeah... yeah... it's a
(Goldenstar sings)
Casual Stroll to Mordor, Saruman is there
I love his flowing snowy robes, his straightened bleached-out hair
We'll sit and eat some sammies, we'll take a touch of tea
We'll share the goss for hours, just Saruman and me
(both sing)
We're on a Casual Stroll to Morder, it's not quite what we thought
Although we realised our mistake, I fear that now we're caught
The orcs, they really love us, but that's the thing, you see
They're boiling us in oil, to eat us for their tea
They're boiling us in oil, it's a hobbit fricassee
They're boiling us in oil, poor Goldenstar and me!</pre>
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-44337420136886225972013-01-15T09:39:00.000+13:002013-01-15T09:39:10.752+13:00Terror stalks the streets of Bree<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Terror stalks the streets of Bree, clad in a green gown, with a flaming torch in one hand and a gutting knife in the other. Frightened residents huddle behind their barred doors. Dogs run - if they can. Screams break the night silence as the Gibbering Lady claims another victim, and, next morning, another corpse decorates the gutters.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
None of these corpses wears rose, and so the terror continues.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This, of course, has nothing to do with me. There isn't even any direct proof that the Gibbering Lady is connected to Harperella in any way. It certainly wasn't my fault if Harperella took offense, I was just trying to be nice. Lots of ladies would be delighted to get a voucher for 80% off their next liposuction and nose job at the Bree Beauty Clinic. And it isn't like Harper couldn't use it. Just saying.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Still, it's fortunate that my Fool has had to go away for a while, leaving me free to barricade myself into one of Madame Celestine's franchise establishments. Not in Bree, of course, but I'm not free to say exactly where. That would be foolhardy.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
With luck I will be able to reappear in a few weeks.</div>
</div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-24556552869607231392013-01-04T07:20:00.002+13:002013-01-04T07:20:56.223+13:00The Twelve Days of Yule Fest<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
Well, well, and a happy New Year to all my friends, and a big shout-out to the girls at Madame Celestine's. We continue to have a mutually satisfying relationship, which has now also become financially remunerative. Some weeks ago I was paid a rather large commission by Madame Celestine to make a promotional moving picture for her establishment. With a little help from my friends, this is the result<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdtxTWzBN2s">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdtxTWzBN2s</a><br />
<br />
Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and is not my fault. It's bound to increase business (which was already booming, let me assure you). Perhaps Madame will have to think about opening a branch in Snowbourne. Maybe a franchise?<br />
<br />
Anyway, in other news, I visited Frostbluff once or twice, but, quite frankly, it was dead boring. The first day was OK, as I ran around building a snowman and drinking beer, so I went there on the second day hoping for a bit more fun. What a bloody scam! All the jobs that needed to be done were... get this... <b>exactly the same</b>! I couldn't believe it. Booooooorrrrrrrring. Bugger this, I thought, and headed back to Bree for a restorative drink.<br />
<br />
Not that Hotbolt is much better. I was drafted into rebuilding this nasty little town that was burned down by orcs, but, quite frankly, I'm just not that into DIY. That's what plebeian tradespeople are for. I mean, who's going to be more efficient at fixing your toilet - a Rose Rockstar Super-Hero, or a boring plumber person who probably wears shades of brown? Yeah, what I thought, too.<br />
<br />
But the nasty man, Beorbrand, didn't give me a lot of choice. He said I had to shut up and just do it. Then he told me to shut up again. And again. And again. Etc. Bastard. Still, never one to make a fuss (not like some prima donnas I could mention), I buckled down to the job. What a pain. Like I care about Hotbolt Tent Enhancements IV. I'm looking out for the Madame Celestine's Franchise Establishment Inhabitants III, but no luck yet.<br />
<br />
I suppose it's traditional at this time to do a roundup of the past year. A sort of personal retropective, an emotionally sensitive (yet psychologically penetrating) examination of one's accomplishments and failures. <a href="http://cennwyn.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Cennwyn</a> tried, but got drunk instead. Much better idea I thought.<br />
<br />
I'm not even going to try. It's another year. I'm still the Rose Rockstar. Oh yeah.</div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-87255079109974003982012-12-07T18:19:00.001+13:002012-12-07T18:19:41.302+13:00WoW and Lotro<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
My kids have started playing WoW again, so a few days ago I logged in, just for old time's sake. Fired up one of my old characters, entered a dungeon and ... whoa ... "You fucking retard, why didn't you fucking heal me? H.E.A.L. Can you even spell you idiot healer. heal me heal me heal me heal me heal me, you have to heal me, rez me rez me rez me rez me you have to rez me FUCKING REZ ME. Go go go go go, hurry up, why the fuck are you not going you noob tank ..."<br />
<br />
Etc. You get the picture. Why on earth, I thought to myself, would I voluntarily spend my leisure time with people like this? So I promptly logged off, with no intention ever of returning.<br />
<br />
My kids enjoy it. Whenever they meet this kind of thing, they just start arguing, backwards and forwards. Nobody actually expects to win, but it's like some sort of game within the game, a game of scoring abuse points and keeping tally of put-downs. (Not entirely unlike BBB.) It becomes a topic of dinner-table conversation "Oh I was in this dungeon and the rogue was like why didn't you heal me and I was like cause you're just dps and you were standing in the fire and the rogue was like why were you healing the tank he was doing fine so I was like HE WAS FINE BECAUSE I WAS HEALING HIM ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha"<br />
<br />
Hilarity ensues. Daddy does a facepalm.<br />
<br />
Lotro, on the other hand... well, only in Lotro would you have an extended argument in the forums, backwards and forwards, backwards and forwards, over whether a hobby horse is... get this... lore appropriate!<br />
<br />
Hilarity ensues. Daddy does a facepalm.<br />
<br />
Lore appropriate?! I mean, oh for goodness sake, where to start on that one? There were hobby horses in 1504, no there weren't, yes there were, it doesn't matter since the Tolkien universe is an amalgam of... (insert pompous and long-winded semi-intellectual twaddle), laws of physics are broken, no they aren't, yes they are, who cares about the laws of physics, it's not epic enough, yet it is, not it isn't, it's an insult to Tolkien, not it isn't, yes it is, why shouldn't children play on horses, blah blah blah blah blah.<br />
<br />
Not as bad as WoW, I freely admit, but ridiculous enough for all that.<br />
<br />
Repeat with me the Aegthil mantra. I do hereby solemnly swear to remain as lore-inappropriate as I damn well want to be, but if I'm stupid enough to pay $50 for it, I shall eat my pink hawtpants. Amen.</div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-33154536612686038162012-11-28T13:34:00.001+13:002012-11-28T13:34:29.973+13:00Song, by Tuiliel.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="http://youtu.be/6BwZDJMLUcQ" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #1c62b9; cursor: pointer; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-align: start; text-decoration: none;">http://youtu.be/6BwZDJMLUcQ</a><br />
<br />
Two serious videos in a row. Deary me. I'm not sure that BBB's reputation will ever recover.<br />
<br />
This was a challenge, no doubt about it. Lotro has a very limited range of emotional expression, and yet the poem by Tuiliel relied very heavily on emotional content. It was, by the way, a lovely poem. Very well crafted, great metre and rhythm, and a clean storyline. All the ingredients of a good video right there.<br />
<br />
However, there's a reason why BBB videos are mostly based on silly things, and foolishness. Not just because BBB people are silly and foolish (although this is undeniable) but also because it's very difficult to do anything else. How do you make foofy elves look sad? Hell, I don't know. You can't really. Crying? Caricatured and pathetic emotes, completely lacking any emotional punch. Hopeless. How do you portray a grieving elf lady, in emotional pain? Well, you just don't. You can try for a million bloody years, but Lotro just doesn't do emotion. Well, at least Lotro and I don't. To be honest, it's probably my own fault, as in a lack of skill or imagination, but hey, one never likes to admit that, so I'll continue to blame Lotro.<br />
<br />
Anyway, so I took a rather different tack. Slow shots. Lots of scenery. Still figures. Water, water everywhere. Not a lot of movement. It was a very different style for me, and not easy to adjust to it.<br />
<br />
However, I'm reasonably happy with the outcome. I don't think it'll get any better, no matter how much longer I work it over. Bits in the music irritate me also, now, having listened to them so often. Too much plucking guitar arpeggios, not enough variation. But, eventually, enough is enough. I could be rewriting and rewriting for the next 6 months and still not get anywhere better.<br />
<br />
Next up, the BBB Yulefest video. All hell will break loose with this one. I am sick of serious. However, I don't have any time to do it. A couple of trips in December really make this tricky, and it's a busy busy time of year. Not to mention that there was mutiny in the ranks, and BBB told me to bloody well piss off. Or something. They wanted to have a life instead, I think. Ingrates!<br />
<br />
So it's unlikely to be done by Xmas. But maybe afterwards.</div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-87786434882150091782012-11-21T13:32:00.000+13:002012-11-21T13:32:31.743+13:00Rudeness and affection, by the Fool<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I don't often read the official Landroval forum, mostly out of pique of course, but I do every so often. And the last time I read it (which was 2 minutes ago, as it happens) I found a couple of gems.<br />
<br />
Firstly, Orladan calling the Rose Rockstar the Rock Lobster. Sheer brilliance, that, sheer brilliance. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to look at Aegthil again without thinking of a rock lobster.<br />
<br />
Secondly, an off-hand comment by one of the Landroval Times MWE reporters, Molly Bayberry. She commented on the obvious bonds of affection that tie BBB together. It is amazing, to me at least, that this is the first time ever that anyone has commented on this, or, for all I know, even recognised it.<br />
<br />
We get a lot of comments (and complaints) that BBB is very rude, very disrespectful, very cynical, outrageous, disruptive, nasty, horrible, etc etc. These complaints come from people in the crowd, people within LMB, people in general. BBB is generally vilified, and not always in fun.<br />
<br />
But this is the first time ever that anyone seems to have recognised that this ridiculous bravado, the outrageous rudeness, and the obvious attempts to kick your bandmates in the shins, is actually the sign of a band that likes each other, that respects each other, a band that works together because we enjoy the company, we enjoy the banter, and we enjoy the feeling that we are working together and doing good things. (Well, in our opinion anyway.)<br />
<br />
As part and parcel of this, you can be damn sure that, if BBB members pick you out of the crowd to make fun of you, to say rude things about you, and to comment on your nasty fashion sense, well, it's because BBB members actually rather enjoy the inevitable response, and rely on you to make them chortle. In short, we like you, and enjoy your company.<br />
<br />
It is always sad when we get the opposite response, and lose a friend. It happens. But fortunately not too often.<br />
<br /></div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-4807146641352404562012-11-07T22:07:00.004+13:002012-11-08T12:57:40.986+13:00The Rose Rockstar's Luxury Stretch Horse<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Lovely though my HawtPants are, they do suffer from certain disadvantages when riding a horse. In that... well... padding is not sufficient in certain tender places, and that... er... blisters can appear in one's nether regions. And elsewhere. Nasty.<br />
<br />
So I have found it necessary to purchase a special riding outfit, to wear while travelling on my lovely Rose Rockstar Luxury Stretch Horse (all fitted out with the most modern conveniences including a fully licensed bar). This new outfit offers much better protection in important areas, so don't worry, ladies, it's all still in perfect working order!<br />
<br />
Whew!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsz1vyxVwgU2nYVOwb_n7j3vQbLjquYW_6U96QYcbYpLHZhxC23rQWKRGgDJ_NtIkx7lkPo1JN4rim480cR2OR5pYYkJSwovUk7ZyCFMxqsW1UTOAYKHyxhoqWW69j2OL20E6wqCZxJHQ/s1600/Screen+Shot+2012-11-07+at+8.58.40+PM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="566" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsz1vyxVwgU2nYVOwb_n7j3vQbLjquYW_6U96QYcbYpLHZhxC23rQWKRGgDJ_NtIkx7lkPo1JN4rim480cR2OR5pYYkJSwovUk7ZyCFMxqsW1UTOAYKHyxhoqWW69j2OL20E6wqCZxJHQ/s640/Screen+Shot+2012-11-07+at+8.58.40+PM.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Well. Am I not the most handsome Rose Rockstar Rider you have ever seen? (The correct answer is yes).</div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoErhH_glqDeXVl0G-M2pm6yQiJIhHPxq0qXjd1Nj9RwHR5VtszVww6vxsNSF5Cfw4ITplJ5DqUnTJ6uEgd4TsOzYlCKTfoeYHmxvVu73YNJixdpo0IEt4cf4zWatF6FTQirQ9LuCS7O0/s1600/Screen+Shot+2012-11-07+at+9.10.35+PM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoErhH_glqDeXVl0G-M2pm6yQiJIhHPxq0qXjd1Nj9RwHR5VtszVww6vxsNSF5Cfw4ITplJ5DqUnTJ6uEgd4TsOzYlCKTfoeYHmxvVu73YNJixdpo0IEt4cf4zWatF6FTQirQ9LuCS7O0/s320/Screen+Shot+2012-11-07+at+9.10.35+PM.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
<br />
And every Rose Rockstar needs some action shots. Here I am practising running over bobbits who step out on to the road. I couldn't actually find any real bobbits, so I had to practise on this sort of goat thing, but I am getting better at aiming. I'll be ready when I see Blue and Carica in Bree. They won't know what's hit them.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpqXTq9Tjfg41cIuVRYpft6dN6j4crHxc2cTeb2Hk4okvUd4qYJEkinUKp1fubVjMktULyKqxJaXxTFySun-hLXKc4dEjD016P_hAqFSlRXQ1IDptvXAUDy05CrbaE8OZg2H2gpxqlyA4/s1600/Screen+Shot+2012-11-07+at+9.16.38+PM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="191" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpqXTq9Tjfg41cIuVRYpft6dN6j4crHxc2cTeb2Hk4okvUd4qYJEkinUKp1fubVjMktULyKqxJaXxTFySun-hLXKc4dEjD016P_hAqFSlRXQ1IDptvXAUDy05CrbaE8OZg2H2gpxqlyA4/s320/Screen+Shot+2012-11-07+at+9.16.38+PM.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Here I am hurrying off to see my dearest Lady Galadriel. She is calling. I must be there for her! She needs my strong arms around her, she needs my hot lips on hers, she needs me to whisper sweet nothings in her ear.<br />
<br />
I know she will wait for me, as our hearts beat as one.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
For my many fans who want to reproduce my outfit, here are the details:<br />
<br />
Underneath: Rose Rockstar Luxury Stretch Horse, with fully licensed bar.<br />
On top: Rose Rockstar.<br />
Chest: Shirt, dyed Rose.<br />
Legs: Pants, dyed Rose.<br />
Hands: Gloves, dyed Rose.<br />
<br />
If you are having trouble reproducing this exact look, don't worry. A lot of fashion and style is in the manner of wearing, not the actual clothes themselves. You won't have the same innate style that I do, the same eclat, the elan, but that doesn't mean you can't look OK anyway.<br />
<br />
Not everybody can be a Rose Rockstar.</div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-43200044134885559382012-10-24T16:19:00.000+13:002012-10-24T16:19:21.366+13:00The Ride of Eorl<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
And so, after more hours than he cares to think about, my Fool has finished the latest BBB moving picture, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFXIv91UQGs" target="_blank">The Ride of Eorl</a>.<br />
<br />
It always takes longer than he thinks it will, and yet is not as finished as he was hoping when he started out. Eventually, it all just takes so long that he throws up his hands and refuses to work on it any more. So, if you see any mistakes, don't bother telling my Fool. He won't listen.<br />
<br />
My Fool has asked me to give particular thanks to a bunch of people (he even wrote their names down for me) but no way am I going to do that. I'm on strike for this moving picture. I refused to appear in it as I was not provided with a proper costume, and I'm not going to start being all nicey nicey about it now. Anyway, Cennwyn doesn't deserve any special thanks as her name appeared BEFORE mine in the credits, which is just plain wrong. And neither do Andurula and Moragaeth deserve any special thanks because they should be honoured to work with the Rose Rockstar (not that I was in the movie, but still) and so I won't mention them at all. And as for Carica and Hymen - well, pfft to them. I've got better things to write about than people who don't design proper costumes and eat too much. Tomrica can't realistically claim any credit for location advice (I was just about to say 'Ost Elendil' when Tomrica got in ahead of me by a split second). And anybody could have provided 1000000 pieces of ore to make stuff; it was purely luck that Aedon did, it wasn't anything to do with kindness or talent. So why should he get any special mention either?<br />
<br />
Exactly. I quite agree with you. I am not going to make any special mentions at all. So there.</div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-9544697093760766792012-10-19T21:58:00.000+13:002012-10-19T21:58:03.581+13:00Aegthil's Guide to the Bagpipes<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The bagpipes (often called simply "the pipes") are one of the most unusual "musical" instruments, both in their origin and their sound, and bring a unique "flavour" to the Bree music scene.<br />
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<i><span style="color: blue;">Origin of the bagpipes</span></i><br />
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It is often claimed that the bagpipes originated from some of the earliest wind instruments played by the dwarfs of the Blue Mountain region, but this is just one of the many fallacies promulgated by ignorance.<br />
<br />
The very first "bagpipes" were actually a shipment of used Elvish contraceptive devices that were being transported to the West for hygenic destruction in a sterile environment. On its way past Ered Luin this shipment was waylaid by the then Dwarf King, Thorin IV Oakenlegs.<br />
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Initial questions over the function of this shipment was soon answered, when a fortuitous discovery by the famous Dwarven minstrel, Boli Mightyspear, showed how these contraceptive devices, when placed in the mouth and blown hard, could make a sound approximating that of the best dwarven "music" available at that time.<br />
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The Rivendell Trading Company, upon realising what had happened, were quick to grasp the commercial opportunities inherest in the situation, and set up a thriving export business in used contraceptive devices, which continues to this day.<br />
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The dwarves, and other bagpipe players, appear to remain unaware of the exact provenance of their instruments.<br />
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<i><span style="color: blue;">Construction of the bagpipes</span></i><br />
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Bagpipes are made from high quality Auroch's bladder, connected to bits of iron tubing with holes in it.<br />
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<i><span style="color: blue;">How to play the bagpipes</span></i><br />
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Bagpipe players claim that by covering up the various holes in the bit of iron tubing, the bagpipes can be made to produce notes of different pitch. However, anybody who has ever listened to the bagpipes knows this to be false. Bagpipes only ever play a single note. The same note. Over and over again. No change. Ever.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i><span style="color: blue;">Can bagpipes be used as contraceptive devices?</span></i><br />
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Yes, in two ways. Firstly there are the obvious anatomical ways the bagpipes can, and have, been used. Proof that this method works can be seen in any Elvish settlement, where there are NEVER any Elvish children. None. Ever. And this isn't because Elves don't enjoy a good time, trust me.<br />
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Secondly, the sound produced by the bagpipes is inimical to feelings of sexual desire, and thus playing the bagpipes will, by its very nature, decrease the player's libido, and shrink their ... well, never mind about that. In addition, anybody who listens to the bagpipes tends to succumb to feelings of morbid depression, with a consequent severe decrease in conjugal or other intimate relations.<br />
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<br />
<i><span style="color: blue;">Can bagpipe players be rehabilitated?</span></i><br />
<br />
No. Euthanasia is usually the best option.<br />
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</div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-2255315367232272962012-10-17T11:57:00.001+13:002012-10-18T10:23:57.322+13:00And so to Rohan... er.... well... almost<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
How excited I was. Off to Rohan. Getting ever close to Gondor, that fabulous city of my birth and the centre of culture for the entire universe. I had on my new hat, my new shoes, my teeth were carefully brushed, I had a bath, and I had applied deodorant carefully to all my various creases.<br />
<br />
Oh my, wasn't I just looking great? Just as well, because before I could head off to see more stinky Horse People (why don't they wash? Is it cultural? Is is laziness? But horse shit DOES wash off. Fact. So why don't they?) I got a distress call from my Gal up in Caras Laradhonshinystargoldywood.<br />
<br />
Oh help, help she said, your previous girlfriend, the unwashed Nona of the body tattoos, is being bothersome, and we need you to nip up and help move her on.<br />
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*sigh*. Fine. OK. Whatever. I mean, my Gal is cute and all that, with those blonde tresses all flowy, but she does suffer just a bit from the curse of blondeness which is small brain size. I mean, just get rid of her yourself, Lady Gal, no big deal. Just tell her to go away. No? Fine. I'll be there.<br />
<br />
So I nip up to ShinyGoldyWood, give my Gal a quick kiss (we'll meet again soon, say I, on our dinner date. Oh Aegthil, said she, I can hardly wait!. I know, said I, it's you and me, babe.) and take charge of babysitting Body Tattoo Nona for a while.<br />
<br />
Well, this was bloody annoying. She wants to look all over ShinySparklyWoodGentleHaven, up the trees, down the trees, along the paths, back up the trees, back down the trees, get me a paddle, get me a boat, get me some dinner, I want a drink, I'm tired now, whine whine moan moan. Finally, we get out of there just before I finally go bonkers (too much gentle sweetness and kind, understanding intellectualism will turn anybody's stomach before long. My Fool says that Lothlorien is worse than National Public Radio in the USA. All it needs now is caring and sincere voices, reading out in gentle tones stories about poor and underprivileged yet happy Elvish children in deepest darkest Mirkwood. Oh Fool. Shut up. Just shut up.)<br />
<br />
OK, now where was I...? Oh, right. I finally get out of the GoldenSweetyWood and down the river a bit, before bloody Nona then wants to visit somewhere else, and then check out her friend in Stangard, and then collect a bit more to eat, have a coffee, bit of a rest, at which stage I lose my rag and say Oh, Nona. Just Piss Off.<br />
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And I head off to Rohan with that short, fat little Bandoras instead. If he has body tattoos I do NOT want to know.</div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-90557125871823501122012-10-11T10:06:00.000+13:002012-10-11T10:06:17.809+13:00My Gal, the Lady Galadriel<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Oh yeah, oh yeah, it looks like I'm headed for a hot date with a hot CEC. Er... should one say a hot Cute Elf Chick, or is that redundant redundancy? Good question. Who cares?!<br />
<br />
It's me and the Lady Galadriel, baby, as long as current bidding pattern persist on the <a href="http://casualstrolltomordor.com/2012/09/auctions-a-dinner-date-with-aegthil-of-gondor/?auction_id=17" target="_blank">Aegthil auction</a>. She and I are going to dine, dance, and ... well.... a gentleman never tells.<br />
<br />
I'll have to make sure my Fool records the event for posterity, as living proof that the Queen of the Elves thinks that Aegthil of Gondor is a sex machine.<br />
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Who, in all this wide wide world, could possibly be surprised?</div>
Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2259602881139121672.post-92023846390636969392012-10-08T10:14:00.000+13:002012-10-08T10:14:34.074+13:00Goldenshowers, Celsea, Hymen, and Me.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Last night it was party time. Oh yeah, oh yeah. Some little bobbit, Goldenshowers I think her name is, was organising an <a href="http://casualstrolltomordor.com/2012/09/childsplay2012/" target="_blank">event to raise money</a> for some little babies, or something. It was all rather unclear. And then people went walking off through the woods somewhere, for no apparent reason. Weird.<br />
<br />
It all started badly when that moron Tom Bombadil wouldn't stop his inane skipping and treehugging. Damn he's an annoying little twerp. La la la la, tripitty skippity puke. Hug a tree, recite some doggerel, and all of a sudden people think you're just fabulous. Ridiculous, if you ask me. He's got a cute wife, I'll give him that, but as for the rest... well, he's a waste of space.<br />
<br />
Then Goldenshowers made everybody walk down to the riverbank for the concert. I mean, hullo? A riverbank?! Have you never heard about mosquitos? Hullo? Anybody home? Honestly, it's gotta be that bobbit brain size is proportional to body size. Not impressive. How can a talented musician such as myself be expected to play stupendous music while being eaten alive by the damn bugs?<br />
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Not that the rest of the band was affected, but then nobody would ever expect them to play stupendous music, would they? Nope. Right first time. Hole in one, baby, hole in one.<br />
<br />
But hey, who cares about them? More about me!<br />
<br />
And more about the lovely Celsea of Rohan, who stole the show and stole my heart right along with it. I think she was supposed to have a horse, because she's from Rohan, but I didn't see one. Maybe BBB ate it before the show. Barbecued horse and beer. Mmmm..... tasty. Well, moving right along, the lovely Celsea of Rohan and I danced together all night, almost arm in arm. Not quite actually arm in arm because she kept moving away for some reason, no idea why. I think maybe we were dancing on a slope or something, which would explain it. I guess she just kept sliding downhill, which was, coincidentally, in a direction away from me.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBXZsVGPAGWnMcl_G5Ri1px4SMvkjTDDjX73VYXZoExVsTnnCfDTv8ohwfNiuMRWkTR1aDmuNepAtxvHOhGgA7k7VL0frGTaXAF6qNii3YOiNaTIWiQeH_FQIq4m4_S9lojCkrhcLqxLo/s1600/screenshot00160.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="258" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBXZsVGPAGWnMcl_G5Ri1px4SMvkjTDDjX73VYXZoExVsTnnCfDTv8ohwfNiuMRWkTR1aDmuNepAtxvHOhGgA7k7VL0frGTaXAF6qNii3YOiNaTIWiQeH_FQIq4m4_S9lojCkrhcLqxLo/s320/screenshot00160.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
Perhaps if I'd gone around to the other side of her we could have become quite intimate.<br />
<br />
Our romance has been immortalised for posterity by the infamous <a href="http://cennwyn.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Cennwyn</a>, whose name also begins with C but who isn't nearly as nice as the lovely Celsea. That stupendously handsome man is me, of course, and the lovely lady in the background, with a very nice blue dress, is the lovely Celsea. You can see clearly how she is looking at me with admiration shining from her eyes.<br />
<br />
Well, of course. I can hardly be surprised.<br />
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And talking about blue dresses, there was another lady there in a blue dress, no idea who it was, but I think her name was <a href="http://cosmeticlotro.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Hymen</a>. Pretty strange name for a lady, I suppose, or at least for any lady that I know well, but hey, there's no accounting for taste. She was visiting from foreign climes, and there were whispers going around that she's quite the celebrity. I didn't see anything great about her, to be honest, but I did catch her looking at my lovely Rose outfit with admiration.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-1niNt1dLrqO_NazX7zWaLy8-ln-CpQEV23Ts0A6Mo80xIyCU7KpfHtXHma8zD1B58Ybk5w_36NsAcbIBCmU3V1h4lo-4GzYGsSGzk7SS2jePtPzd22uwdvTDMt3wUG_X-ACkfoOL-nY/s1600/FellowshipWalkPartyBehindAegthil.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="360" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-1niNt1dLrqO_NazX7zWaLy8-ln-CpQEV23Ts0A6Mo80xIyCU7KpfHtXHma8zD1B58Ybk5w_36NsAcbIBCmU3V1h4lo-4GzYGsSGzk7SS2jePtPzd22uwdvTDMt3wUG_X-ACkfoOL-nY/s640/FellowshipWalkPartyBehindAegthil.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I thought her own fashion sense left a little to be desired. I mean, her colour choice was rather dull and stodgy, kind of boring creams and poofy blues, but I guess she was pretty old. Didn't want too much excitment in her life.</div>
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If she ever needs fashion advice, she knows where to find me.</div>
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Aegthil of Gondorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05051711061464478577noreply@blogger.com6