Song, by Tuiliel.

http://youtu.be/6BwZDJMLUcQ

Two serious videos in a row. Deary me. I'm not sure that BBB's reputation will ever recover.

This was a challenge, no doubt about it. Lotro has a very limited range of emotional expression, and yet the poem by Tuiliel relied very heavily on emotional content. It was, by the way, a lovely poem. Very well crafted, great metre and rhythm, and a clean storyline. All the ingredients of a good video right there.

However, there's a reason why BBB videos are mostly based on silly things, and foolishness. Not just because BBB people are silly and foolish (although this is undeniable) but also because it's very difficult to do anything else. How do you make foofy elves look sad? Hell, I don't know. You can't really. Crying? Caricatured and pathetic emotes, completely lacking any emotional punch. Hopeless. How do you portray a grieving elf lady, in emotional pain? Well, you just don't. You can try for a million bloody years, but Lotro just doesn't do emotion. Well, at least Lotro and I don't. To be honest, it's probably my own fault, as in a lack of skill or imagination, but hey, one never likes to admit that, so I'll continue to blame Lotro.

Anyway, so I took a rather different tack. Slow shots. Lots of scenery. Still figures. Water, water everywhere. Not a lot of movement. It was a very different style for me, and not easy to adjust to it.

However, I'm reasonably happy with the outcome. I don't think it'll get any better, no matter how much longer I work it over. Bits in the music irritate me also, now, having listened to them so often. Too much plucking guitar arpeggios, not enough variation. But, eventually, enough is enough. I could be rewriting and rewriting for the next 6 months and still not get anywhere better.

Next up, the BBB Yulefest video. All hell will break loose with this one. I am sick of serious. However, I don't have any time to do it. A couple of trips in December really make this tricky, and it's a busy busy time of year. Not to mention that there was mutiny in the ranks, and BBB told me to bloody well piss off. Or something. They wanted to have a life instead, I think. Ingrates!

So it's unlikely to be done by Xmas. But maybe afterwards.

Rudeness and affection, by the Fool

I don't often read the official Landroval forum, mostly out of pique of course, but I do every so often. And the last time I read it (which was 2 minutes ago, as it happens) I found a couple of gems.

Firstly, Orladan calling the Rose Rockstar the Rock Lobster. Sheer brilliance, that, sheer brilliance. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to look at Aegthil again without thinking of a rock lobster.

Secondly, an off-hand comment by one of the Landroval Times MWE reporters, Molly Bayberry. She commented on the obvious bonds of affection that tie BBB together. It is amazing, to me at least, that this is the first time ever that anyone has commented on this, or, for all I know, even recognised it.

We get a lot of comments (and complaints) that BBB is very rude, very disrespectful, very cynical, outrageous, disruptive, nasty, horrible, etc etc. These complaints come from people in the crowd, people within LMB, people in general. BBB is generally vilified, and not always in fun.

But this is the first time ever that anyone seems to have recognised that this ridiculous bravado, the outrageous rudeness, and the obvious attempts to kick your bandmates in the shins, is actually the sign of a band that likes each other, that respects each other, a band that works together because we enjoy the company, we enjoy the banter, and we enjoy the feeling that we are working together and doing good things. (Well, in our opinion anyway.)

As part and parcel of this, you can be damn sure that, if BBB members pick you out of the crowd to make fun of you, to say rude things about you, and to comment on your nasty fashion sense, well, it's because BBB members actually rather enjoy the inevitable response, and rely on you to make them chortle. In short, we like you, and enjoy your company.

It is always sad when we get the opposite response, and lose a friend. It happens. But fortunately not too often.

The Rose Rockstar's Luxury Stretch Horse

Lovely though my HawtPants are, they do suffer from certain disadvantages when riding a horse. In that... well... padding is not sufficient in certain tender places, and that... er... blisters can appear in one's nether regions. And elsewhere. Nasty.

So I have found it necessary to purchase a special riding outfit, to wear while travelling on my lovely Rose Rockstar Luxury Stretch Horse (all fitted out with the most modern conveniences including a fully licensed bar). This new outfit offers much better protection in important areas, so don't worry, ladies, it's all still in perfect working order!

Whew!

Well. Am I not the most handsome Rose Rockstar Rider you have ever seen? (The correct answer is yes).

And every Rose Rockstar needs some action shots. Here I am practising running over bobbits who step out on to the road. I couldn't actually find any real bobbits, so I had to practise on this sort of goat thing, but I am getting better at aiming. I'll be ready when I see Blue and Carica in Bree. They won't know what's hit them.






Here I am hurrying off to see my dearest Lady Galadriel. She is calling. I must be there for her! She needs my strong arms around her, she needs my hot lips on hers, she needs me to whisper sweet nothings in her ear.

I know she will wait for me, as our hearts beat as one.



For my many fans who want to reproduce my outfit, here are the details:

Underneath: Rose Rockstar Luxury Stretch Horse, with fully licensed bar.
On top: Rose Rockstar.
Chest: Shirt, dyed Rose.
Legs: Pants, dyed Rose.
Hands: Gloves, dyed Rose.

If you are having trouble reproducing this exact look, don't worry. A lot of fashion and style is in the manner of wearing, not the actual clothes themselves. You won't have the same innate style that I do, the same eclat, the elan, but that doesn't mean you can't look OK anyway.

Not everybody can be a Rose Rockstar.

The Ride of Eorl

And so, after more hours than he cares to think about, my Fool has finished the latest BBB moving picture, The Ride of Eorl.

It always takes longer than he thinks it will, and yet is not as finished as he was hoping when he started out. Eventually, it all just takes so long that he throws up his hands and refuses to work on it any more. So, if you see any mistakes, don't bother telling my Fool. He won't listen.

My Fool has asked me to give particular thanks to a bunch of people (he even wrote their names down for me) but no way am I going to do that. I'm on strike for this moving picture. I refused to appear in it as I was not provided with a proper costume, and I'm not going to start being all nicey nicey about it now. Anyway, Cennwyn doesn't deserve any special thanks as her name appeared BEFORE mine in the credits, which is just plain wrong. And neither do Andurula and Moragaeth deserve any special thanks because they should be honoured to work with the Rose Rockstar (not that I was in the movie, but still) and so I won't mention them at all. And as for Carica and Hymen - well, pfft to them. I've got better things to write about than people who don't design proper costumes and eat too much. Tomrica can't realistically claim any credit for location advice (I was just about to say 'Ost Elendil' when Tomrica got in ahead of me by a split second). And anybody could have provided 1000000 pieces of ore to make stuff; it was purely luck that Aedon did, it wasn't anything to do with kindness or talent. So why should he get any special mention either?

Exactly. I quite agree with you. I am not going to make any special mentions at all. So there.

Aegthil's Guide to the Bagpipes

The bagpipes (often called simply "the pipes") are one of the most unusual "musical" instruments, both in their origin and their sound, and bring a unique "flavour" to the Bree music scene.

Origin of the bagpipes

It is often claimed that the bagpipes originated from some of the earliest wind instruments played by the dwarfs of the Blue Mountain region, but this is just one of the many fallacies promulgated by ignorance.

The very first "bagpipes" were actually a shipment of used Elvish contraceptive devices that were being transported to the West for hygenic destruction in a sterile environment. On its way past Ered Luin this shipment was waylaid by the then Dwarf King, Thorin IV Oakenlegs.

Initial questions over the function of this shipment was soon answered, when a fortuitous discovery by the famous Dwarven minstrel, Boli Mightyspear, showed how these contraceptive devices, when placed in the mouth and blown hard, could make a sound approximating that of the best dwarven "music" available at that time.

The Rivendell Trading Company, upon realising what had happened, were quick to grasp the commercial opportunities inherest in the situation, and set up a thriving export business in used contraceptive devices, which continues to this day.

The dwarves, and other bagpipe players, appear to remain unaware of the exact provenance of their instruments.

Construction of the bagpipes

Bagpipes are made from high quality Auroch's bladder, connected to bits of iron tubing with holes in it.


How to play the bagpipes

Bagpipe players claim that by covering up the various holes in the bit of iron tubing, the bagpipes can be made to produce notes of different pitch. However, anybody who has ever listened to the bagpipes knows this to be false. Bagpipes only ever play a single note. The same note. Over and over again. No change. Ever.


Can bagpipes be used as contraceptive devices?

Yes, in two ways. Firstly there are the obvious anatomical ways the bagpipes can, and have, been used. Proof that this method works can be seen in any Elvish settlement, where there are NEVER any Elvish children. None. Ever. And this isn't because Elves don't enjoy a good time, trust me.

Secondly, the sound produced by the bagpipes is inimical to feelings of sexual desire, and thus playing the bagpipes will, by its very nature, decrease the player's libido, and shrink their ... well, never mind about that. In addition, anybody who listens to the bagpipes tends to succumb to feelings of morbid depression, with a consequent severe decrease in conjugal or other intimate relations.


Can bagpipe players be rehabilitated?

No. Euthanasia is usually the best option.