EEE, and a casual stroll to Mordor

Last night I set foot in Bree for the first time in a week or so. Things seem to have quieted down substantially, and I wasn't assaulted by any knife-wielding harpy in a green dress. There was a bit of gunk lying around in the drains, so maybe Harperella got her liposuction done. Hope so.

I had to get back for the infamous EEE, which stands for, among other things, Elyita's Edventurous Excursions. Every week at much the same time Captain E leads her Entrepid eTroops on Edventures of eDanger and eDelight. Well, to be strictly honest, not a lot of danger, as the entrepid etroops mostly tackle level 5 dungeons, or thereabouts.

I wouldn't want to break a nail.

The goal is, of course, to get horsies and ponies. Why would I want to do this, I hear you ask, especially when I already have a lovely sort of blackish horse that the poncy Mirkwood elves gave me? I have a really good answer to that question, which is ... the answer is ... well, it's just that ... um.... coming soon ... er ... any time now... well, never mind for now about that, but getting horsies and ponies is what EEE does. This seems to involve an awful lot of rather pointless slaughter, but hey, a man does what a man has to do. We are now on the 24th deed, with only another 472 to go.

I may have to write a guide. Delightful.

In other breaking news, my Fool wrote a song for A Casual Stroll to Mordor. I have no idea why he did. I guess he had nothing better to do. I mean, it's not like he lives beside a lovely golden-sand beach, just perfect for swimming, looking out over the gulf to the islands, where it's currently the middle of summer and very warm. If he was in a situation like that I'm guessing he wouldn't waste his precious time, pissing about writing crap music for anybody, but ... oh, wait. Never mind. Moving right along. Honestly, the things my Fool does just boggle the mind.

What an idiot.

Anyway, if you want to play it yourself, you can grab the music here. Hell, you can even sing along.

(Merric sings)
I'm on a Casual Stroll to Mordor, I'm gonna try on Sauron's ring
I'm gonna climb right up that Morgul tower, and at the top I'll sing
I'll check out all the orc chicks, those whip and leather dames
I'm on a Casual Stroll to Mordor, and Merric is my name!

(Goldenstar sings)
I'm on a Casual Stroll to Mordor, it's a long way from the Shire
To see that sexy Sauron hunk is my heart's one desire
I don't think he's real happy, he's so misunderstood
If I can offer love and comfort, well, I think I should.

(Chorus)
Casual Stroll to Mordor
Ooo.. Ooo.. yeah... yeah... it's a
Casual Stroll to Mordor
Ooo.. Ooo.. yeah... yeah... it's a
Casual Stroll to Mordor
Ooo.. Ooo.. yeah... yeah... it's a
Casual Stroll to Mordor

(Horn Solo)

(Merric sings)
We're on a Casual Stroll to Mordor, it's not so very far
And time will pass so quickly when you chat with Goldenstar
Before you even know it, we'll be standing at the gate
Sauron is expecting us, I doubt we'll have to wait

(Chorus and drum break)

Casual Stroll to Mordor
(drums)
Casual Stroll to Mordor
(drums)
Casual Stroll to Mordor
(drums)
Casual Stroll to Mordor
(drums)
Casual Stroll to Mordor
Ooo.. Ooo.. yeah... yeah... it's a
Casual Stroll to Mordor
Ooo.. Ooo.. yeah... yeah... it's a
Casual Stroll to Mordor
Ooo.. Ooo.. yeah... yeah... it's a

(Goldenstar sings)
Casual Stroll to Mordor, Saruman is there
I love his flowing snowy robes, his straightened bleached-out hair
We'll sit and eat some sammies, we'll take a touch of tea
We'll share the goss for hours, just Saruman and me

(both sing)
We're on a Casual Stroll to Morder, it's not quite what we thought
Although we realised our mistake, I fear that now we're caught
The orcs, they really love us, but that's the thing, you see
They're boiling us in oil, to eat us for their tea

They're boiling us in oil, it's a hobbit fricassee
They're boiling us in oil, poor Goldenstar and me!

Terror stalks the streets of Bree

Terror stalks the streets of Bree, clad in a green gown, with a flaming torch in one hand and a gutting knife in the other. Frightened residents huddle behind their barred doors. Dogs run - if they can. Screams break the night silence as the Gibbering Lady claims another victim, and, next morning, another corpse decorates the gutters.

None of these corpses wears rose, and so the terror continues.

This, of course, has nothing to do with me. There isn't even any direct proof that the Gibbering Lady is connected to Harperella in any way. It certainly wasn't my fault if Harperella took offense, I was just trying to be nice. Lots of ladies would be delighted to get a voucher for 80% off their next liposuction and nose job at the Bree Beauty Clinic. And it isn't like Harper couldn't use it. Just saying.

Still, it's fortunate that my Fool has had to go away for a while, leaving me free to barricade myself into one of Madame Celestine's franchise establishments. Not in Bree, of course, but I'm not free to say exactly where. That would be foolhardy.

With luck I will be able to reappear in a few weeks.

The Twelve Days of Yule Fest

Well, well, and a happy New Year to all my friends, and a big shout-out to the girls at Madame Celestine's. We continue to have a mutually satisfying relationship, which has now also become financially remunerative. Some weeks ago I was paid a rather large commission by Madame Celestine to make a promotional moving picture for her establishment. With a little help from my friends, this is the result

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdtxTWzBN2s

Any resemblance to real people, living or dead, is entirely coincidental and is not my fault. It's bound to increase business (which was already booming, let me assure you). Perhaps Madame will have to think about opening a branch in Snowbourne. Maybe a franchise?

Anyway, in other news, I visited Frostbluff once or twice, but, quite frankly, it was dead boring. The first day was OK, as I ran around building a snowman and drinking beer, so I went there on the second day hoping for a bit more fun. What a bloody scam! All the jobs that needed to be done were... get this... exactly the same! I couldn't believe it. Booooooorrrrrrrring. Bugger this, I thought, and headed back to Bree for a restorative drink.

Not that Hotbolt is much better. I was drafted into rebuilding this nasty little town that was burned down by orcs, but, quite frankly, I'm just not that into DIY. That's what plebeian tradespeople are for. I mean, who's going to be more efficient at fixing your toilet - a Rose Rockstar Super-Hero, or a boring plumber person who probably wears shades of brown? Yeah, what I thought, too.

But the nasty man, Beorbrand, didn't give me a lot of choice. He said I had to shut up and just do it. Then he told me to shut up again. And again. And again. Etc. Bastard. Still, never one to make a fuss (not like some prima donnas I could mention), I buckled down to the job. What a pain. Like I care about Hotbolt Tent Enhancements IV. I'm looking out for the Madame Celestine's Franchise Establishment Inhabitants III, but no luck yet.

I suppose it's traditional at this time to do a roundup of the past year. A sort of personal retropective, an emotionally sensitive (yet psychologically penetrating) examination of one's accomplishments and failures. Cennwyn tried, but got drunk instead. Much better idea I thought.

I'm not even going to try. It's another year. I'm still the Rose Rockstar. Oh yeah.