Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Summer Fest

This being my very first few months out of Gondor all these quaint northern customs still come somewhat as a surprise to me. Now they're celebrating Summer, or at least the Men are. The pointy-ears, the dorfs and the bobbits would never celebrate the same thing as what the Men do, so they call it something else, but this is only a transparent attempt at a pathetic kind of semi-independence.

And, by the way, one has to write Men with a capital M, just in case anybody thinks you're only talking about men, as opposed to Men, if you see what I mean. The Race of Women has a much better ring to it if you ask me, but then nobody did.

Anyway, Summer. I have discovered in myself a great aptitude for riding horses along little rickety wooden bridges, mostly falling off, but sometimes not. It is, of course, hardly a surprise that I should have aptitude for things, as I am, at base, such a highly accomplished and talented person, but I imagine that a little pretended  surprise is not a bad thing. Based on my horse-riding skills I have now bought myself a brand new horse, and a very pretty one she is, too. Called Manuka. Or she could be a he. I have no intention of looking for myself.

The best thing about my new horse is not the fact that she is a pretty wee thing (much like myself) but that she comes with padding. For some weeks I've been riding a very nice horse indeed I'm sure, but with no saddle. I don't care how nice the horse is, a sore arse is a sore arse. It cramps my performance style. How can I catch the roses which all the beautiful girls are throwing if I am suffering from piles and blisters in my nether regions? Good question. What about Madame Celestine's girls? I know they have greatly enjoyed massaging these same nether regions, but enough is enough. They deserve a break.

So now I can ride around in comfort, securely protected from burns, bruises and rashes in unmentionable places.


  1. Enjoying your stories and the silly descriptions of the obvious. Please keep writing!

  2. Why, you are most kind! And I, in turn, just love your Lotro outfits blog. A source of great inspiration. Not that I am, in general, a fashion guru, but the cosmetic system in Lotro is just so cool.

    Aegthil's Fool