How excited I was. Off to Rohan. Getting ever close to Gondor, that fabulous city of my birth and the centre of culture for the entire universe. I had on my new hat, my new shoes, my teeth were carefully brushed, I had a bath, and I had applied deodorant carefully to all my various creases.
Oh my, wasn't I just looking great? Just as well, because before I could head off to see more stinky Horse People (why don't they wash? Is it cultural? Is is laziness? But horse shit DOES wash off. Fact. So why don't they?) I got a distress call from my Gal up in Caras Laradhonshinystargoldywood.
Oh help, help she said, your previous girlfriend, the unwashed Nona of the body tattoos, is being bothersome, and we need you to nip up and help move her on.
*sigh*. Fine. OK. Whatever. I mean, my Gal is cute and all that, with those blonde tresses all flowy, but she does suffer just a bit from the curse of blondeness which is small brain size. I mean, just get rid of her yourself, Lady Gal, no big deal. Just tell her to go away. No? Fine. I'll be there.
So I nip up to ShinyGoldyWood, give my Gal a quick kiss (we'll meet again soon, say I, on our dinner date. Oh Aegthil, said she, I can hardly wait!. I know, said I, it's you and me, babe.) and take charge of babysitting Body Tattoo Nona for a while.
Well, this was bloody annoying. She wants to look all over ShinySparklyWoodGentleHaven, up the trees, down the trees, along the paths, back up the trees, back down the trees, get me a paddle, get me a boat, get me some dinner, I want a drink, I'm tired now, whine whine moan moan. Finally, we get out of there just before I finally go bonkers (too much gentle sweetness and kind, understanding intellectualism will turn anybody's stomach before long. My Fool says that Lothlorien is worse than National Public Radio in the USA. All it needs now is caring and sincere voices, reading out in gentle tones stories about poor and underprivileged yet happy Elvish children in deepest darkest Mirkwood. Oh Fool. Shut up. Just shut up.)
OK, now where was I...? Oh, right. I finally get out of the GoldenSweetyWood and down the river a bit, before bloody Nona then wants to visit somewhere else, and then check out her friend in Stangard, and then collect a bit more to eat, have a coffee, bit of a rest, at which stage I lose my rag and say Oh, Nona. Just Piss Off.
And I head off to Rohan with that short, fat little Bandoras instead. If he has body tattoos I do NOT want to know.
Oh my, wasn't I just looking great? Just as well, because before I could head off to see more stinky Horse People (why don't they wash? Is it cultural? Is is laziness? But horse shit DOES wash off. Fact. So why don't they?) I got a distress call from my Gal up in Caras Laradhonshinystargoldywood.
Oh help, help she said, your previous girlfriend, the unwashed Nona of the body tattoos, is being bothersome, and we need you to nip up and help move her on.
*sigh*. Fine. OK. Whatever. I mean, my Gal is cute and all that, with those blonde tresses all flowy, but she does suffer just a bit from the curse of blondeness which is small brain size. I mean, just get rid of her yourself, Lady Gal, no big deal. Just tell her to go away. No? Fine. I'll be there.
So I nip up to ShinyGoldyWood, give my Gal a quick kiss (we'll meet again soon, say I, on our dinner date. Oh Aegthil, said she, I can hardly wait!. I know, said I, it's you and me, babe.) and take charge of babysitting Body Tattoo Nona for a while.
Well, this was bloody annoying. She wants to look all over ShinySparklyWoodGentleHaven, up the trees, down the trees, along the paths, back up the trees, back down the trees, get me a paddle, get me a boat, get me some dinner, I want a drink, I'm tired now, whine whine moan moan. Finally, we get out of there just before I finally go bonkers (too much gentle sweetness and kind, understanding intellectualism will turn anybody's stomach before long. My Fool says that Lothlorien is worse than National Public Radio in the USA. All it needs now is caring and sincere voices, reading out in gentle tones stories about poor and underprivileged yet happy Elvish children in deepest darkest Mirkwood. Oh Fool. Shut up. Just shut up.)
OK, now where was I...? Oh, right. I finally get out of the GoldenSweetyWood and down the river a bit, before bloody Nona then wants to visit somewhere else, and then check out her friend in Stangard, and then collect a bit more to eat, have a coffee, bit of a rest, at which stage I lose my rag and say Oh, Nona. Just Piss Off.
And I head off to Rohan with that short, fat little Bandoras instead. If he has body tattoos I do NOT want to know.
Can't....stop.....laughing.
ReplyDeleteMoragaeth (who, by the way, has her shiny new warsteed and has kicked some serious warg butt already)
-Mora you have been hanging out with Champs for too long, "kicked some serious warg butt..."- Lol at that one.
ReplyDeleteYeah, Aegthil quit yer kissin' and get on yer horsey!
-Andu