Wednesday, November 7, 2012

The Rose Rockstar's Luxury Stretch Horse

Lovely though my HawtPants are, they do suffer from certain disadvantages when riding a horse. In that... well... padding is not sufficient in certain tender places, and that... er... blisters can appear in one's nether regions. And elsewhere. Nasty.

So I have found it necessary to purchase a special riding outfit, to wear while travelling on my lovely Rose Rockstar Luxury Stretch Horse (all fitted out with the most modern conveniences including a fully licensed bar). This new outfit offers much better protection in important areas, so don't worry, ladies, it's all still in perfect working order!


Well. Am I not the most handsome Rose Rockstar Rider you have ever seen? (The correct answer is yes).

And every Rose Rockstar needs some action shots. Here I am practising running over bobbits who step out on to the road. I couldn't actually find any real bobbits, so I had to practise on this sort of goat thing, but I am getting better at aiming. I'll be ready when I see Blue and Carica in Bree. They won't know what's hit them.

Here I am hurrying off to see my dearest Lady Galadriel. She is calling. I must be there for her! She needs my strong arms around her, she needs my hot lips on hers, she needs me to whisper sweet nothings in her ear.

I know she will wait for me, as our hearts beat as one.

For my many fans who want to reproduce my outfit, here are the details:

Underneath: Rose Rockstar Luxury Stretch Horse, with fully licensed bar.
On top: Rose Rockstar.
Chest: Shirt, dyed Rose.
Legs: Pants, dyed Rose.
Hands: Gloves, dyed Rose.

If you are having trouble reproducing this exact look, don't worry. A lot of fashion and style is in the manner of wearing, not the actual clothes themselves. You won't have the same innate style that I do, the same eclat, the elan, but that doesn't mean you can't look OK anyway.

Not everybody can be a Rose Rockstar.


  1. Thumbs up to your creativity! And, most importantly, will you be serving cotton-candy flavoured vodka on that stretch horse of yours?

    Moragaeth, the Tanking Lore-Master

  2. Dear Aegthil...

    Now certainly I misunderstood... you don't really want to run over bobbits, especially the likes of Carica and Blue who are two wonderful people. That would be very disheartening and not at all becoming of you. Or in the words of another group of heroes, "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends..."

    Mebbe you should sit there, look pretty, and shush. :D
    ...zigazig ah...

  3. I'm afraid the PETA will be out after you posted those sketches of you knifing your horse. It's not polite to show images of knifing your horse in public, and you ought to be frightfully shamed. Shaaaaaaame, shaaaaaame! Poor lost creature!


  4. Danania, I don't know who you are, but I think I like you!

    -Blue, the bobbit