Monday, August 20, 2012

Happy Birthday, Anthemisi

What do bobbits eat for their birthdays? I have no idea. I doubt I want to know. This whole bobbit preoccupation with food and pies and pies and food and more food and eating and food and pies is all a little strange to me. Food is what you eat because you have to, otherwise you'd drop dead. You stick it in one end, it comes out the other, and you stay alive. Ho hum. Very dull.

I suppose this is why I've never been able to spend much time in the Shire. I mean, apart from it being all Twee and Fru Fru, and even Cutsiepie,  that whole area has this intense food preoccupation. Any jobs you get given there are all Twee and Fru Fru Foody kinds of jobs. Baking delicious pies. Saving dear wee squirrels. Eating delicious carrots. Digging up healthy potatoes. Ticking your inner ear with a feather to have a good vomit so you can eat some more. You know, that kind of thing.

The Shire just isn't me.

Anyway, what sparked off this little rant? Oh yes, I remember. What do bobbits eat for their birthdays. As I said, I don't know, I have never known, and I don't want to know, but I do know that it was Anthemisi's birthday today, and she's a bobbit.

So at BBB we played dear old Anthemisi a special birthday song. Arranged by my idiot of a Fool, which is why it ends so abruptly. I shall insist that he rewrite the last bit to make it a bit more acceptable. If you want, you can play it yourself. And if you fix up the ending before my idiot Fool does, send it to him. He needs help.
(Edit: OK, fine. I fixed the ending, you annoying bloody minstrel. But I didn't bother making a new mp3 file to prove it. I hope you're happy now. Well, actually, let me rephrase that. I don't give a rat's turd whether you're happy or not, but I still fixed the ending. The Fool.)

In other news, the infamous and disgustingly nasty Melilot, or Mellilot, or Melillot, or possibly even Mmellillott, did a very effective sabotage job on the BBB concert. With a pighorn. She is getting her pay docked. My idiot Fool was laughing so hard he almost wet himself. But the rest of the BBB concert was the usual smash hit, with all the lovely ladies salivating at the sight of me.

No, really, it's true.  We end with a drool pool outside the Dancing Goat.


  1. That was the Kelipox sabotaging their immune systems and inhibitions, you daft fool, not anything on your behalf! I think we should offer up Mmellillott for guinea rat trials of the cure. Good idea? Yeah, I thought so.


  2. We at the Andune Ensemble sincerely apologize for any behavior on the part of any of our members that was found unsatisfactory or funny. We take ourselves SERIOUSLY, y'all. Very seriously indeed.

  3. Wait, we get paid for BBB?