Friday, April 27, 2012

Eating my words, by the Fool

Well, well, and after having written that I'm not going to write, I was subjected to the most hilarious and oddly touching thing I've ever experienced in LOTRO, or any other game for that matter. 

Poor Aegthil was deluged with unwanted letters, collected from the 5th Anniversary celebration, and each unwanted letter came with a wonderful piece of spam. Aegthil is going to have the finest head of hair, the most rippling muscles, the most chest hair, the fattest bank balance, the least body odour, the cleanest feet, the finest fashions, the most delectable food, and, above all, the largest and most impressive penis you have ever seen. Oh dear.

At first I wondered how the game generated these spam emails. They were long, very clever, and very funny. But then some of them were clearly targeted at Aegthil. Not generic at all. So I began to wonder about my initial wonderings. Were they really game mails? What on earth was going on? Well, I didn't know, so I just deleted them all and carried on, making a mental note to ask the LMB how you got such mails generated and sent to someone. Cool feature in the game, huh?

It wasn't until some time later that I realised each and every one of them had been hand-written and sent to Aegthil, to keep me entertained. Beorbrand had orchestrated the whole thing, and a lot of people responded. I'm not sure how many mails Aegthil got, but it was a LOT. And they were very funny indeed.

So, as I said, I felt oddly touched by this. All that time people put in to do something nice for Aegthil and for me. Although possibly 'nice' is not quite the correct word. Goodness, I'm tearing up.

Well, not really, but I could be if I wasn't a manly manly guy. You know, with rippling muscles and thick chest hair, etc.

Now, where did I put those enlargement offers...?


  1. We are the Lonely Mountain Orchestra!

    Silly Aegthil, I thought he'd recognize the bearded mastermind behind those letters at once.
    I should've written an "Enlarge Your Brains" letter instead :P

    - Sarasti

  2. For only 29.99 g, YOU can be the recipient of some of the finest hair-restoration products available in Middle Earth! Just send good faith money to!

    Oh, what can I say--I missed the hoax, but I think the sentiment is adorable.

  3. You deleted them? You deleted them?! You were supposed to frame them and hang them on your wall!

    That said, I heard you were having a wrist problem.
    Cramps? Muscle pain? Cannot perform at your optimum ability?
    Wash your worries away with the new Galladhrim Balm!
    It will soothe any muscle, bone, and heart ache!
    Made with hand-picked orc filth from Golden Woods!

    *result may differ from patient to patient. May cause nausea, strong odor, flesh decomposition and scalp dysfunction.