Monday, July 4, 2011

Whingeing and moaning, from the Fool

I don't like blogs that whinge and moan all the time. I got nerfed, I hate Blizzard, I hate Turbine, I am going to quit the game, blah blah, yeah yeah, we know, get over yourself, jam a sock in it. But my efforts to give money to Turbine have this sort of surreal epic quality that is worthy of one post, just for the record and my blood pressure. Well, not really my blood pressure. I don't actually care all that much. A computer game is just a computer game. But it's still highly amusing in a kind of masochistic way.

So Turbine has this lovely web site. Enter your details, put in your credit card, hit the button, oh yeah, you're there, baby.

Oh. Wait. Not this time. It doesn't like credit cards from New Zealand, which is where I'm from. Or maybe it doesn't like me; it's not entirely clear.

I then ring Turbine at some ungodly hour of the morning (for me, anyway) and explain that I really am trying to give them money, and will they please damn well take it. Oh, says the rep, here's the problem. You've entered your address incorrectly. We have a very strong security policy and we demand that the address you enter is exactly the same blah blah blah.

Bullshit, think I, but I'm way too canny to say so. Oh, Wonderful!. How Impressive! I Really Like that Security Policy! It's so Nice to feel Secure at All Times from Credit Card Fraud. Wow. Turbine is such a Great Company, and thank you So Much for your Help with this. Sir. One wee problem. I didn't get the address wrong. I checked. Multiple times. Very carefully. That is my address. Trust me. It really is. It's even the address on my credit card file at the bank. Really. It is. Truly so.

A short silence falls.

Well, says the rep brightly, I'll just go ahead and enter your details now and we'll have you all fixed up in no time. Is it just me, or does everybody else hate high chirpy voices with American accents? Maybe it's just me.

Of course, the rep could only put 3 months of time on my credit card. I have no idea why only 3. Maybe it's a special rule for people from New Zealand.

And now, the time has come for me to pay Turbine money again. And hooray, this time my credit card appears to be working, I select the 12 month option, read the fine print (yeah, right, like you believe that) and hit the button again ...

... only to find that this particular "upgrade path" is illegal, or immoral, or something like, and at any rate is just not allowed. No way. Take a hike, asshole (in a high chirpy voice with an American accent).

So poor Aegthil is stuck. Every time he takes a deep breath a little gold coin pops up on the screen and says "You are now eligible to take a deep breath. To purchase the breathing ability please visit the LOTRO store".

I suppose that every cloud has a silver lining. Anything that annoys Aegthil is probably a good thing.

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