You might (or might not) be surprised to hear that I reached the extreme level of 53 without ever gaining any idea at all of how the wardrobe works. (I note with interest and compassion that Beor reached the even more exalted level of 65 with the same deficiency. Just saying.)
But this all changed last night, in a ...... something moment.... you know, one of those moments where everything changes and a new paradigm comes into being. One of them.
Irdu taught me how to use the wardrobe.
She started by trying to explain in kin chat, but that didn't really get anywhere. It lacks the necessary physical violence. So she appeared at the Bree vault, pulled my ears, clipped me over the head, kicked me in the shins, and gave me step ....... by....... step......... by ............. step................. in..........struct...........ions. We love Irdu.
I can now colour my outfits all sorts of different colours, I can change into outfits that I do not actually own, and I can look even more handsome than I usually do. I celebrated by getting all muddled and promptly losing the lovely dress that Wrenaya sent me, but I'm pretty sure that Irdu has it. It will return, it will return, oh ye of little faith.
As payment, I offered Irdu the greatest prize any woman could possibly conceive. I offered to marry her. I was a little puzzled when she turned me down, so I offered again. And then again. Eventually, she gave me 6 gold to leave her alone, so it wasn't a complete waste.
My Fool likes to believe that this is yet another example of the extraordinary maturity and kindness exhibited by members of the Lonely Mountain Band, and in LOTRO in general, but this is a load of nonsense. Irdu was clearly just trying to sweeten the bitter pill of reality (bitter for her, that is) by contributing to my heavy expenses. If it makes her feel good to give me money, why shouldn't she?
I still do not believe it to be relevant that I had just wasted 8 gold on a house, 3 gold on a cloak, 5 gold on a horse, and 10 gold on mentoring lessons. My Fool says that this means I'm not really poor, merely stupid. However, the sad fact was that I had 1 gold and 700 silver left, and so my statement to Irdu was factually accurate.
On second thoughts, she plays a mean axe, so maybe I'd better not steal her money. Hmm......