My lovely black robe was stolen the other day. I left it sitting around in the Dancing Goat while I went to scrub my armpits and when I got back... well, there was a robe there, but it wasn't mine. Some nasty bugger had stolen my nice Robe of Visalius (or whatever it was called) and left in its place some pathetic POS semi-black Robe of Uncool Dorkiness.
Personally, I suspect the barber.
No way was I going to wear a Robe of Uncool Dorkiness, so I blackmailed the Beard into helping me obtain another quite nice black robe. Not as nice as my original one, but you just can't get decent black clothes nowadays. They seem always to come with some other nasty colour like blue or red or green. I mean, how can a rock star be cool if he has to wear partially black clothes with blue trimmings? Right, I agree. It just so totally doesn't work.
But wait! There's more. I point the gentle reader to the picture on the left, which demonstrates, in a way that will put a shiver down your spine, the perils of hair tonic abuse.
Just say no, Boys and Girls, just say no.
Once normality was restored (relatively speaking, of course. It's BBB we're talking about) we went on A Road Trip. Now, my Fool has learned from his children that this is something you do to be cool. Doesn't really matter where you go as long as you can tell everyone you are going on A Road Trip.
Well, since I set the Bree Cool Standard, it was time to act. Heigh Ho, Heigh ho, it's off to Isengard we go, la la la. We loaded up our horses with ale, pipeweed and tater crisps, turned the music up really really loud (as all good music is), and toddled off.
And doesn't it look pretty! By the way, in case you weren't sure, the white rider on the left of the picture is facing away from the viewer, and that is actually the horse's arse, not Beor's face.
Just saying.
Some kind of fanatic and sic Robe thief has passed through Middle Earth recently, because I've heard stories like yours everywhere. I find your replacement rather awkward though. Somehow it lacks the usual glamour that is appropriate to a minstrel of your stature, but perhaps you have lowered your standards to match Beorn?
ReplyDeleteI know, I know. It is indeed not the best. A rock star in a shroud? This should never have had to happen. And you make a good point about lowering my standards. I must take care not to let Beor affect me in such a vulgar way.
ReplyDeleteI am continuing my search for the perfect rock star outfit.*sigh*. All advice gratefully received.
Aegthil
That will teach you to scrub your armpits, Aegthil! Overrated, washing is. Ends up in stolen robes that I know nothing about.
ReplyDeleteSome Fool told me that imitation is the highest form of flattery, so I don't understand WHY I'm the one to blame for the low fashion and facial hair standards around here! I think the black robe looks rather fetching. Almost as sublime as it does in white with a long Beard. And the way it goes right through the horse's underneath, that's something special right there. You'll look even more splendid when you get your black horse!
Good times.
Beor of the Dashing White Robes and LongBeard
The hairstyle switch still gives me nightmares.
ReplyDeleteThat switch just looked wrong.
ReplyDeleteNever do that again.
Good Page man!
ReplyDeleteDGSX