Thursday, October 6, 2011

You don't scare me, Blue

Last night I popped into the Dancing Goat to be seen and admired by my fans who often gather there. The lovely Madaelin was lucky enough to be there, and I know she would have been delighted to see me, as she always is. So I nodded to her, she smiled at me with her heart in her eyes, and kept plinking and plonking away in front of the fire. I thought I'd be kind, give her a thrill, so I sat down to listen.

There was some dorkface called David  sitting in front of her also, but he was super ugly and very poorly dressed. He doesn't have a chance when compared to a talented, handsome, charming and sophisticated person such as myself, and the poor guy just doesn't seem to realise. Ah well, there are some unfortunate people in the world who seem to be totally unable to maintain a realistic view of themselves. No matter the evidence they persist in a delusional belief in their own charm and ability, and nothing you can say can force reality down their throats.

Honestly, you have to feel sorry for people like that.

Anyway, dorkface David wasn't the real problem last night, as there was another ... well, I won't say lady... another female standing by the bar and eyeing me up. Now, this happens a lot, of course. Every day. I get used to it. It's the price you pay for being a major rock star. But this was a little different, a little creepy. She kept on doing this whole weird staring thing, with her googly eyes all poking out, and there was probably drool too.

So eventually I gave up trying to ignore her (she wasn't nearly beautiful enough to tempt me) and nipped on over to see what on earth was going on.

Good evening, lovely lady, I said (you know you have to use this kind of phrase even when she is an ugly toad), I am the famous Aegthil of Gondor. May I have the pleasure of your name?

She kind of glared at me, and there was a long pause. Setata, she said eventually. My name's Setata, but many people call me ..... BLUE!

You could have knocked me over with a feather. Finally, I could see what was going on. (I'm very clever like that.) She'd been sent by Bluebonnett to do me over, to break my kneecaps, to injure me in other creative ways. I'm guessing that Blue was a bit miffed that I spilled the beans about her little muffin incident, not to mention that I won't pay up for her bail, so she sent her sorter to have a wee chat with me. No wonder she'd been looking at me weirdly all night. She'd been deciding which bones to break.

So I took off. I wasn't going to stick around and have my fingers broken. I owe it to my fans to protect myself. I lost Blue's sorter in the corridors of the Dancing Goat, and eventually got out window and made it to the protection of Madame Celestine's.

It was a lucky escape, but I remain undaunted. I will not be scared by Blue and her minions. I will stand proud and tall (at Madame Celestine's) and show the world how a courageous minstrel deals with intimidation.

1 comment:

  1. Stand proud and tall and defiant of the world's injustice hiding in a brothel... yes, yes, that's how it's done. Delusions of grandeur, Brave Sir Robin.

    I bet you could win back her affections if you baked her some muffins. Jocularity might even be induced to assist with his mighty cooking pot of doom.