Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Celebrity News

Earlier in the week, this reporter heard a particularly interesting bit of gossip going the rounds in Mirkwood. Elves were talking in hushed whispers about the latest revelations to do with Elrond, which have come to light after a particularly shameless display at a recent BBB concert.

It appears that one of Elrond's secret trans-gender lovers, an elf by the name of Ellasse (exact gender uncertain as of writing this article) was seen blatantly parading in public at the Treasure Hunt. As if this wasn't bad enough, further investigations revealed that this very same Ellasse had allowed himself to appear in BBB's latest moving picture, in the same revealing trans-gender display.

Undeterred by the fear of reprisals, this reporter took it upon himself to investigate the truth behind these sordid events. After a long and extended "conversation" with Ellasse in the alleys of Bree (in which, we can assure our squeamish readers, there was absolutely no torture involved - merely a few enhanced interrogation techniques) we were able to extract the secret location of Elrond's Trans-Gender Love Phalace Hideaway.

Hidden deep in the fastnesses of the Trollshaws, and closely guarded by Elrond's elite trans-gender Special Service Force, rumours of the Love Phalace Hideaway have been circulating for some time, but this is the first definitive and reliable evidence that has come to light. A independent Rivendell Commission of Enquiry has been set up, and is coordinating its activities with the Bree Town Guard, in whose jurisdiction these events first came to light.

Stay tuned, gentle readers, for the denouement of this sordid little tale. This reporter is on the hunt, and will do his very best to bring any appropriate, or (with luck) inappropriate, pictures into the light of day.

The other major celebrity news is the sad story of the bobbit, Bandoras, who has now become involved in a love triangle tragedy with two other major celebrities, Goldenstar and Merric. Goldenstar, although claiming still to be happily married to Merric, was seen by this reporter making out with the handsome Bandoras after the BBB concert at the Treasure Event. She has even gone so far as to make a Bandoras Fever fan page. It seems she really is smitten. Kisses were exchanged, in sight of all, and they were seen later at an expensive Bree restaurant, gazing into each other's eyes, and holding hands.

Merric has so far refused to comment, although Goldenstar insists that she and Bandoras "are just good friends", and are merely building a "purely Platonic relationship founded on mutual respect". Bandoras, however, was overhead saying "Yes, I am pleased to see you, and that's not a banana in my pants".

Watch this drama unfold, right here in the Landroval Times.

The Landroval Times, Fair and Balanced, for your weekend reading pleasure


  1. Do not sully the name of Lady Lhim by implying that she is anything less than 100% loyal to her husband, Merric! She's a fine lady (very fine, in fact) and I'll have none of these shinnanegans.

  2. I have it on good authority that that IS a banana in his pants.